That's What He Said

Yesterday I discovered something about my blog. It may be giving some people the wrong impression. 

Jeff's girlfriend (Scheibe's sister) asked me a while back to put up curtains in her new apartment. This was well before I thought about starting "building kindness." I told her that I would do it... yet here it is, several months down the road and I still haven't been over there. 

I figured there's no time like the present, so I wanted to schedule it for this week. I also thought it would be good to get Jeff to assist me. Having been with the same woman for over eight years now, I understand how important it is to do nice things for your significant other. I wouldn't really need him to hang the curtains, but if he helped then he could take the credit for getting it done. Also, it might empower him to do similar things in the future... kind of like the old Chinese proverb, "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

I called Jeff and asked him if there was a time this week he'd be free to help and his response was, "You're just doing this for your blog." It hurt my feelings at first, but I can see how he might have thought this. Most people probably define an act of kindness as something you do completely for someone else. Doing something for someone so that it will reflect positively on you is not a random act of kindness. Jeff was obviously thinking I'm doing the blog as extension of the latter.

Have you ever seen one of those large, ornate sand mandalas the Tibetan monks create? Probably not. The reason you've probability never seen one is because after the monks spend weeks creating this amazing work of art, they destroy it. Why? What's the point? They say the doing, the act, is the point... not the gratification from the oohs and ahhs.

I agree with the monks. It is the action that causes the change and that's where the benefit comes from. But who or what are the monks trying to improve? The answer: themselves. It is so true, whenever I do something for someone, it’s like a bright light that forms inward and works its way through every part of me. It hits my emotions, my perceptions, my actions and even my physical body. Each act betters me... but building kindness isn't just about me.

I considered doing my acts randomly and anonymously, but concluded that I wanted to experiment with something new. Random acts obviously spread good (refer to this post for an example), but how far will it go? A random act influences me and the person it is directed toward, but then what? You can hope for the pay it forward desire to kick in (there are definitely great stories of amazing things happening this way), but how sustainable is that? 

The concept of Building Kindness is different. It is continuous. If witnessing a single act of kindness inspires someone to do a single act in return, what would witnessing continuous acts of kindness do? What is the value of drawing people into a community of kindness? I don't have an answer to these questions, but I hope to find out and the blog is my lab.

The problem remains: How do I keep people from perceiving my blog as an attempt to glorify myself? Maybe the first step would be to get them to read it. Another thing I need to do is be more careful about the acts I choose and who I discuss them with outside the blog. If every time I see a friend I mention my blog... of course it would seem like I'm tooting my own horn.

I'm glad Jeff said what he said. It has been thought provoking, and ultimately, it has given me a better understand of my own mission. Thanks for being honest and genuine with me Jeff!